An Anonymous Journal

Let me take you back to moving day.

In the pack up and initial move days, I was totally in charge of all things relating to the logistics of moving because husband had to work. This was A LOT.

I was single handedly project managing and coordinating the comings and goings of:

• 2 Nannie’s
• 1 Plumber
• 6 Movers
• 3 Cleaners
• 4 separate deliveries
• … and doing my real job at the same time.

Although I was incredibly overwhelmed, it was awesome. I had everything under control, there hadn’t been any major issues, and things were going according to plan.

Then husband returned home from work.

I explained exactly what was happening, and stressed the importance of sticking to my plan – because each little action has an impact on the rest of the plan. So rather than ask him to get fully up to speed on what was happening, I asked him if he could work alongside the handyman for the day while I worked everything else.

First Project of the Day: PARKING

With the number of large vehicles coming and going throughout the day, I had created an extremely precise map of where each vehicle would park based on the size of vehicle, what they were doing, and how long they would be there.

First thing in the morning, I asked husband if he would move our vehicles to the spots way out of the way. He said okay.

Then the handyman arrived. I explained where that van should go. He said okay.

Then I look outside as the big truck is about to arrive, and all 3 vehicles were parked in the spots everyone would need. I asked husband what was going on and he shrugged off my concerns, gave the handyman the “sorry about her” look, shut the door between us and walked away whilst charmingly telling the handyman not to worry. He’s parked just fine.

I couldn’t believe it. The very first action of the day, and he’s completely blown the entire logistical plan for the day. As a result:

• There is nowhere for the curbside delivery only trucks to pull up, and we have no way of trucking pallets down the street. This includes our new fridge so our food will go bad.
• The movers have nowhere to park so they’ll be upset.

—— SIDEBAR: I struggle with routine changes in general, especially when my children are involved – but I would struggle even if they weren’t.

Moving house is very, very, very difficult for me to emotionally adjust to. I won’t feel adjusted and comfortable again for months, with each week of stability slightly less difficult than the last.

You may be noticing here that I’m obsessed with the details. This is true. My coping mechanism is neurotic planning. Maintaining some semblance of control over an uncontrollable event like moving makes me feel better. In the case of this move, that control involves planning the logistics to a T.

In the event of something other than moving, I would control my world in other ways – oftentimes it involves hiding away and creating a space away from other people where I can create an environment I can control. Even if it’s me, a bedroom, and a book. I can control that, and nobody can change it. That would help.—-

My concern with husband’s actions is that he knows I cope this way. He knows how important order and structure is to the smooth flowing of this move – especially considering I’ve been running it solo for the last 3 days. Yet he blows it up anyway at the very first opportunity.

I react to this unapologetically. He was mortified that I embarrassed him in front of everyone when I made everyone move their vehicles. Couldn’t quite get everyone where they were meant to be as there were too many there by the time I had a say.

But he apologizes to everyone for my terrible mood, ingratiates himself with everyone and he’s happy with that. I’m a crazy lady who’s in a bad mood and he’s the poor husband who has to deal with it.

Everything that can go wrong, is finding a way to go wrong from this point forward. Husband is barking at me constantly, demanding immediate answers and belittling me for not being able to answer him quick enough in spite of having so much help. He’s mean, I’m unsettled, and my nerves are positively shot.

At one stage, I was totally overwhelmed with everyone asking me for answers, husband barking, child melting down, clients sending emails asking why I’m so delayed in replying, employees asking for the fourth time for me to help them with XYZ, husband shouting again because he’s still waiting for me to respond to the question I don’t know the answer to that he asked 5 seconds ago, child still melting down, husband telling me to ignore child, and it was just too much.

I picked up my son, raced through the house and found the only quiet room I could. I locked everyone else out, sat behind the door in the quiet with my boy. He calmed down almost immediately. And I just cried quietly.

Husband came knocking at the door asking what was going on, saying he would take the child. I sent him away.

This was calm. For both of us. We stayed in there until we both were ready to face the madness again. It was a bonding experience for sure, and he was able to witness first hand that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and cry. He also learned that quiet time, breathing and calm help to make it better. So I’m happy for that.

Okay I’ve typed too much. Back tomorrow!