An Anonymous Journal

This is too much. The constant ego-driven everything that is our world. The never-ending manipulation and emotional neglect. I just can’t stand it anymore.

There must be better out there.

There must be a world that exists where I am permitted to feel without retribution.

There must be a world where warm embraces and gentle touches from your husband are a regular occurrence and not something you get once a year at most.

There must be a world where sex isn’t something robotic and mechanical that happens twice a decade (literally. That’s real. Haven’t had sex since 2018).

There must be someone out there who will have my back and not use me for his own ego boost.

There must be a joke worth telling that doesn’t somehow knock me down or make me small to make someone else feel big.

There must be a person I can find who will see concerns and challenges as opportunities for strengthening our bond versus justification to punish me for my “tone”.

There must be a peaceful world I can live in where I don’t have this massive knot growing inside of my soul, made up of every word I’m not allowed to say, every feeling I’m not allowed to discuss, and every hurt expressed that gets thrown back at me.

There must be better out there.